Tag: Psychology

What it Means to be Authentic

On By Joe DeRosaIn LeadershipLeave a comment

Authentic

You’re nervous, scared.  You’re breathing is shallow and you’re beginning to sweat.  Your mind is racing but you can’t seem to find an answer to your problem that makes you feel good.  In fact all you see in front of you are choices that are not so good and plain bad.  You start weighing the outcomes of each choice in terms of personal perception.  How will I be viewed if I make this decision or that decision?  How popular or unpopular will I be for making such a decision?  Will my boss support me?  How about my wife/husband, my friends, my parents, my kids?  Your emotions reach a crescendo and you feel you’re about to collapse.  What now?

Try this interesting test.  It’s a simple and fast test that requires answering just one question no matter how difficult the decision is you are facing.  It can serve as your decision starter.

What would I do if I didn’t have to worry about any one persons reaction or perception of me based upon the decision I make?  Sure this sounds unfair but if you begin every decision thinking first about what others will think of you then you’re likely to arrive at the wrong place.  Like politicians that look at polls before deciding on their personal stance on an issue, people who worry more about what others think rather than doing the right thing will ultimately experience a short life cycle as a leader.

Authentic leaders don’t worry about what others think.  Not that they set out to offend, hurt, or alienate themselves from others but they instead focus on being true to themselves first.  After all, that’s what makes an authentic leader so appealing to follow.  You always know where they stand on an issue today and tomorrow.  They don’t waiver or pander.  They simply establish their position, communicate it effectively and stick to it.  If they do change their position it is backed up by facts and tangible learnings that justify their change.  Not at all based upon opinion polls, or pressure from stakeholders or markets.

They have a sense of intelligent fearlessness.  They are smart enough to understand where the pitfalls are but effective enough to lead through, around, or over them.  They are mindful of cause and effect and focus on communicating both the why and the implications of their decisions.  They are often times seen as bold, courageous, and confidence.  They use their intelligence to assess the situation and select the best approach.  Their intelligence coupled with their confidence in conviction allow them to lead others fearlessly toward the goal.  This does not mean carelessly.  The difference here is that an authentic leader through their personal intellect and confidence are able to make tough decisions without fear, while leaders whose only strength is to pander to public opinion live in constant fear of being judged.  As such the leader who lives in fear is always looking to make the decision that allows them to place or shift blame elsewhere.  To have cover when the sky begins to fall.  Authentic leaders understand the risks and have no problems being held accountable to their decisions.

Recently Kathleen Sebelius was replaced as the Secretary of Health and Human Services (HHS).  In the interviews that have followed since her removal from office she stated that they had got it (the website http://www.healthcare.gov) readiness wrong.  It should have never been promised to roll out in October 2013.  Yet video clip after clip shows Sebelius saying with conviction it will be ready.  It is ready.  It’s working.  It’s right.  So where was her authenticity as a leader?  Where was her courage?  Unfortunately like so many others in leadership positions she sacrificed her authenticity for popularity.  If only people would realize that popularity is fickle.  Eventually inauthentic decisions and the leaders who made them always show themselves but by that time both have been cast as failures.  If only we could stay true, stay firm, stay authentic from the start.

Taking The Lead Vs. Being a Leader

On By Joe DeRosaIn LeadershipLeave a comment

leader

I’ve built many sales and marketing teams over the years.  I’ve led many to success and some to failure.  Throughout my career I have learned a great deal about leadership and leading people to achieve a desired goal.  One of the important facts I’ve learned over the years is that there is a clear difference between taking the lead and being a leader.  Having a true understanding of this difference helps to effect the best possible outcomes.

The difference between taking the lead and being a leader is quite simple.  When you take the lead you exert control.  You see examples of people taking the lead everyday throughout the world.  Kids take the lead to be the captain of the kickball team at lunch.   Executives maneuver to take the top spot in a company that may be floundering.  Yet these examples and others like them do not demonstrate leadership.  They simply showcase situations that arise where there is a vacuum at the top and any opportunistic person has the chance to step in and take control.  But that’s not leading.

Taking the lead involves control.  It often times results in a new regime rising to the top that is less focused on the team and much more  focused on an individual or small group of individuals.  This is not to say that in times of need that someone with noble intentions can’t rise to the top and become a leader.  Those situations do happen but are less likely when there is a leadership vacuum at the top.

The most significant difference between taking the lead and being a leader boils down to one ability.  The ability to inspire.  Great leaders inspire.  They get people to dream big, to not accept the status quo, to challenge conventional thinking without fear of embarrassment or disappointment.   The best leaders inspire people to own their own destiny.  To not settle for mediocrity.  To live the change we want to become, as Gandhi said long ago.  Leaders who are able to inspire possess a quiet confidence.  A sense of conviction that is both strong but flexible.  Strong leaders are learners and adapters.  They are able to see things as they are while formulating a plan to shape the future they intend to create.  They are driven by the need to be of value, and of service, to others and they inspire the very best from each of us while doing so.

These highly favored leaders are those  individuals that we all like to follow, to watch, to cheer on.  These are the people who make us feel confident in the value of our personal contributions, and are able to rally a diverse group of folks to charge off in a common direction.  They inspire each of us to reach for, and obtain greatness.  They are the real leaders.

Critical Insight When Making Tough Decisions

On By Joe DeRosaIn Business, Leadership1 Comment

decision

If you need to make a difficult decision make sure you understand your surroundings as much as you understand the facts and details of what it is you’re trying to decide upon.

I recently had lunch with a colleague to discuss some key decisions that I need to make in our business surrounding strategy.  I presented my facts, beliefs, and experience with great passion.  My plan was both logical and well thought through.  I knew however that some of my decisions, while believed by the team the correct ones to make, would create some discomfort.  Why?  Because while we can all understand logic, and positive correlations, we are after all human beings, and human beings dislike change no matter how sound, logical, positive, or necessary that change is.

My colleague, who has years of experience and incredible wisdom said to me, “be aware of the issues that are not part of the issues.”  This statement perplexed me.  I didn’t understand.  When I asked her to explain she provided this wonderful story that provided the clarity to what she was saying.

For years she had her hair cut by the same stylist.  Through life’s many trials and tribulations, ups and downs, good times and bad, this stylist cut her hair and listened to her stories.  As times changed she wanted a new hair style but the stylist was unable to provide the cut she wanted.  She knew she had to make a change but her feelings and emotions of abandoning this stylist were strong.  She is an intensely loyal person and the thought of ending this long-standing relationship was quite troubling.  Her head told her it was the right thing to do but her heart was most certainly conflicted.  So while the issue at hand was achieving a new hair style, the emotional issue tied to her sense of loyalty came to the forefront of her making the decision to go elsewhere…hence the issue (emotional), not part of the issue (new hair style).

Bottom line:  It’s critical to understand emotions when making a decision. Your emotions as well as those of the key stakeholders involved in that decision are paramount to effective decision-making.  Emotional history, sometimes referred to as baggage, can play a major role in decision-making.  Being aware of these issues, that are not part of the actual issue being decided upon, can help you frame your approach.  Your decision is your decision.  It’s the “how” (the approach) you present your decision that can often times become the difference between effective decision-making and holding the status-quo.

 

The Positive Power of Regret

On By Joe DeRosaIn Leadership1 Comment

Regret

We’ve all done it.  Looked back and said, “Gosh I wish I hadn’t done that.”  Decisions we made, things we did or didn’t do that led to an unfortunate, uncomfortable, or disappointing experience.  Many times our failures can be tracked back to a decision we made, failed to make, or even made too hastily.  Likewise, success can be viewed in the same way.  But if you stop to look at the critical moments of your life, or your crucible moments as they’re often called, you may find a new tool in your bag worth using.  Regret.

Oddly enough “woulda, coulda, shoulda” could play a key role in helping to improve your decision-making.  How so?

Let’s imagine I have an important decision to make.  Could be personal, could be professional, it really doesn’t matter which.  I start by looking at the information I have in hand.  What do I know, what don’t I know?  What feelings or emotions strike me as I think through the different paths I could take in making this decision?  Perhaps I take the step to do a typical Pros and Cons sheet.  I write down all the positive things that could happen if I make Decision “A” along with the negative.  I do the same for Decision “B”.  I tally up all the pros from each chart and the one with the most is typically the path I take.  These are all fairly standard techniques in decision-making.  Now let’s add Regret.

Imagine 6 months have passed and you’re not in the place you had hoped you’d be.  Something went wrong along the way and things just didn’t turn out as you expected.  You’re unhappy, miserable, and regretting things.  Now come back to the present and ask yourself, what would I have done different to change that regretful outcome?  Maybe 6 months from now that diet didn’t work and I actually gained weight.  I may have regretted not working out 6 days a week, or eating that bag of potato chips every night.  Six months from now I may have failed my Chemistry class.  I may have regretted not studying enough, or asking for extra help from my professor.  Or maybe 6 months from now I’ve missed my sales goal again.  I may regret not making those extra calls each day when I quit at 5 pm.  I might regret not going to a networking event because it dug into my personal time.

Regardless of whether you have a personal or professional regret, using the positive power of regret may just help you make a different decision in the present that results in a better outcome in the future.  Regret can be a powerful tool when combined with visualization.  Visualize yourself in that unhappy moment, the failure you may feel, the disappointment that weighs on you.  Now take those feelings and ask what would I have done differently?  Regret often times gives you a second chance if you embrace it properly.

As Henry David Thoreau said, “Make the most of your regrets; never smother your sorrow, but tend and cherish it till it comes to have a separate and integral interest. To regret deeply is to live afresh.”

Why Failure is Your Friend

On By Joe DeRosaIn LeadershipLeave a comment

Failure

Years ago I read the book Failing Forward by John Maxwell and it had a profound impact on my life. I grew up in an ultra competitive home where me and my sisters were raised to believe that failure was not an option. As I entered the workforce and began my career I carried this belief with me only to learn, in short order, that failures can happen regardless of the actions taken.

From bad bosses (you know who you were), to poorly run companies (you know who you were as well) to jobs I simply didn’t like, failure began to approach my doorstep uninvited. I worked hard, pressed forward, acted with persistence and determination and still experienced my share of failures.  I’ve missed sales numbers, hired the wrong people, and had sales and marketing campaigns fall flat.  Yup, I’ve seen my share of failures.

Sometime after turning 40 I began to view things differently. For the first time I was able to look back at my failures not as failures but as critical learning events that took place at a moment in time. I’ve been battle tested, failed at times, yet have come out stronger each and every time.

We learn when we fail. In fact I’d argue the quality of education we get from failure is vastly better than the education we get from success. Success is simply the culmination of multiple failures. If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. The greatest inventions ever were the result of countless failures. Many of the world’s most deadly diseases were cured only after countless failures while looking for a cure. Thomas Edison once said he it took more than 10,000 tries to invent the light bulb.  What if he gave up at 9,000?  I’d hate to think I’d be writing this in the dark.

The point is that we learn from our failures…if we allow ourselves to.  Here are 3 things that failure helps to improve:

  1. Decision making.  Making decisions is a tough business.  It requires speed, thoughtfulness, intuition, and experience.  Experience comes through both failure and success.  The more you have of both the better decisions you will make.
  2. Mental health.  The sooner you embrace failures as your friend and not your enemy the quicker you’ll be able to look at failure for what it is…a teacher.  You fall off your bike and you know it’s not the end of the world so you get back on.  You get laid off from a job and find another so now you know that losing a job isn’t a life sentence.
  3. Leadership.  Personally I want to work for someone who’s failed…at least a few times.  I’m much more willing to march into battle behind a battle-tested leader than someone who is entering their first rodeo.  Leaders who have lived the highs and lows are typically more stable offering a steady hand in times of stress as they’ve seen it before and know they can navigate through it.  While it may sound odd to say, failure is one of the biggest ingredients to building confidence.  The more you know you’re capable of handling the more confident you will be in yourself.

So rethink your opinion of failure.  It really is your friend if you let it be.

Charisma or Character…How To Tell The Difference

On By Joe DeRosaIn LeadershipLeave a comment

wolf

In life we encounter many different types of people.  Introverts, extroverts, funny, serious, loud, quiet, shy, and jocular.  These are all personality traits or characteristics of an individual.  They do not define or identify their character.  Many times we try to “read people” to determine if they have good intentions or selfish desires.  Confusing character with charisma is an area where most people struggle.  It also poses potential danger if misread.  So what’s the difference between character and charisma and how do you determine if the person you’re interacting with has great character or is simply charismatic?

Before you can determine character from charisma let us first establish a working definition for both.  Character is the way someone thinks, feels, and ultimately behaves.  Think of character as an individuals guiding light, or true north.  People of great character operate with authenticity.  They have strong self-awareness, and the likelihood of them doing the right thing under the most difficult of circumstances, is incredibly high…almost unquestioned.   Character boils down to doing the right thing when no one else is looking.  Character is hard-wired.  You can teach right from wrong, but you can’t teach character.

Charisma on the other hand is an appeal that attracts others to an individual.  It could be a specific talent or attribute.  Charisma, or charm, are qualities that are also hard-wired into a personality.  Many celebrities, politicians, and public figures have great charisma.  It’s a quality that has been developed over time and used to rally support behind a persons specific efforts.  In the movies, as in life, there are people who have enough charisma to make obnoxious characters likable.  Perhaps this is where the saying “wolf in sheep’s clothing” came into existence.  We are often times fooled in life by people who are very charismatic rather than supporting the individual with strong character.  People with charisma seem to have it all and it’s exciting to be around them.  But charisma is no substitute for character.

So how can you tell the difference?

  1. When talking with someone do they open up or keep things shallow or superficial?
  2. How willing is the person to roll up their sleeves and “do”, versus simply talking about “doing”?
  3. When interacting with others does the person focus on the material things or do they make human connections?
  4. What examples can be found where this person did something good for someone, or some company, for which they received nothing in return?
  5. How do they treat and interact with their family and friends?
  6. Do they keep their word even if doing so results in a loss?  Or are they quick to abandon their commitments and justify doing so with one reason or another?

Learning how to deal effectively with people throughout life will determine your success and happiness.  Being proficient in identifying people with character versus charisma will give you greater opportunities to align yourself with those who will truly add value to your life thereby create lasting relationships.  Focus on establishing relationships with people rich in character rather than charisma.  Remember, charisma is an outward sign whereas character comes from within.  Surrounding yourself with people high in character will bring you a lifetime of self-fulfillment and happiness.

A Lesson in EQ – Move To Improve

On By Joe DeRosaIn LeadershipLeave a comment

EQ

Most people evolve into a leadership role.  Sure, we’ve all heard people talk about a specific person as a “natural born leader”, but few are. Often times, someone rises to the position of leader as a result of their accomplishments as an individual contributor.  Think about it.  What was the reason for your first promotion?  Or your second?  Most likely you were promoted because you exceeded a specific sales number, or made an improvement that saved the company a great deal of money.  Early in your career, those are the reasons you achieve recognition and promotions.

Many companies invest heavily in leadership development.  They use tests to identify potential leaders, teach classes in leadership lessons and ideals, and even rank employees in the ever popular “Org & Talent Review”.  And while each of these components serves a very specific purpose in building the leadership ranks within a company, it’s the time and development spent in the areas of EQ that tend to be overlooked.

EQ, or emotional quotient, is the measure of a persons ability to deal with others in a sensitive and empathetic way.  People with high EQ have a great sense of self-awareness and know the importance of treating people with respect and dignity regardless of position, title, etc. A report published by Glowan Consulting Group, looked at the correlation between leaders with high EQ versus IQ, or cognitive intelligence.  The report found that those leaders with a high level of EQ generated results ranging from 10 – 24% better than those with low EQ.

John Mackey, CEO of Whole Foods said, “For leadership positions, emotional intelligence is more important than cognitive intelligence.”  Having the ability to respond to one’s own emotions, and those of others, is the key differentiator between those that manage people versus great leaders of people.

Leaders that have a difficult time connecting with others in high stress environments should look to improve their EQ.  As the pace of change rages on, and companies are faced with changing strategies, workforces, and philosophies, it is critical that its leaders understand how to connect with people in order to affect positive change.

Daniel Goleman brought EQ to the forefront in his 1995 book, Emotional Intelligence.  I highly recommend this book for any leader looking to gain a better understanding, as well as, improvement of their own EQ level.  Your ability to connect with those around you in an authentic and genuine way will create the trust and bond required to help you – the leader – provide direction and guidance both in good and bad times.  An improvement in your EQ level will drive increases in your individual performance, as well as, producing better results across the team you lead.  The reason?  People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.